It’s normal.
Usually we don’t hate people.
We hate what they do to us or how they make us feel (or how we make ourselves feel after hearing something they said/ experiencing something they did).
We hate the limitations they impose on us.
We hate the fact that they want to control our lives,
We hate the fact that their negative attitude (mindset, set of beliefs) wreaks havoc with our own lives.
We hate the fact that they don’t respect / appreciate us, or that they ridicule our efforts/ make fun of us, etc.
So usually there is nothing intrinsically bad (or wrong) with “hating someone”. We don’t hate them, we hate this situation/ how our lives are being affected.
Usually, when we say “I hate her” it means
I don’t like the fact that she…/ I feel bad when this happens to me/ It hurts when…/ I think I am right and she is wrong/ I don’t understand her.
That’s also what children mean when they say to their parents “I hate you”.
I mean, is it possible that a regular 9-year-old (not a child soldier/ guerrilla fighter somewhere in Africa, or elsewhere, with a screwed up psyche) is really capable of hating the other person for no reason?
Clearly there is always some reason why a 9-year-old (or 15-year-old) would say that to his/ her parent or teacher. What other reason he/she has to “hate this person”? It’s always because he/she doesn’t like something about this situation he/she is in.
Those are rare individuals who truly hate other people, when the sole reason for hating this person is her sheer existence. People they have zero connection to. People they never met before. People they didn’t even know existed before they met them for the first time.
When there is connection/ some kind of ongoing relationship, people know each other and interact, there always is a reason. It’s never that they truly hate this person for no reason – when such reason is ‘because’.
Figure out in what way your life is being affected. What you don’t like. Change that.
Go to the root of it. Don’t dwell in that feeling. Focus on what you don’t like about the situation and try to change it. Even if it means moving out of this house or cutting yourself off entirely.
Remember the chances are huge it’s not your family member you hate. It’s the situation.
Usually we can change the situation we’re in.
